Wicked Quickies Read online

  52 WAYS TO GET IT ON ANYTIME, ANYWHERE

  AUDACIA RAY

  Copyright © 2009 by Hollan Publishing, Inc.

  Cover and internal design © 2009 by Sourcebooks, Inc.

  Cover design by William Riley/Sourcebooks

  Cover and internal illustrations © Lana Lê

  Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.

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  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Ray, Audacia.

  Wicked quickies : 52 ways to get it on anytime, anywhere / by Audacia Ray.

  p. cm.

  1. Sex instruction. 2. Sexual excitement. I. Title. HQ56.R39 2009

  613.9’6—dc22

  2009025668

  Printed and bound in the United States of America.

  SP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  INTRODUCTION

  The quickie.

  At the most basic level, a quickie is a speedy sex act. And “speedy” plus “sex” often gives the impression that not everyone walks away happy.

  But it doesn’t have to be that way.

  A hasty coupling can add a little jolt to your day, a little satisfaction on the go. Wicked Quickies is your guide to making the most of such fast and furious action. Packed with fifty-two ways to get it on anywhere, anytime, Wicked Quickies boasts an entire year’s worth of spontaneous ecstasy. Flip to an entry once a week, let the erotic sketches inspire you, and read on for a brief description of the selected quickie along with sexy anecdotes and useful tips.

  Now comes the best part: get down and dirty using each entry as inspiration. Because each suggested act has a risqué rating of one, two, or three (with one being somewhat tame and three being extra naughty and erotic), you can tailor the experience to your mood or personality.

  Not one to play by the rules? Make up your own. Pick a page, but don’t show it to your lover. Then surprise him with this mystery quickie when he least expects it! Or leave a copy of this book where you know she’ll discover it and let her savor the anticipation all day long.

  Note that the beauty of a quickie isn’t always in reaching the finish line. Sprinkled throughout Wicked Quickies are entries focused on quick encounters that will leave you wanting more.

  Whatever your pleasure, getting down and dirty in a hurry has never been more fun.

  A note of caution: having sex in public places is sometimes against the law. Be aware of the attention your activities may cause!

  Quick•ie

  Pronunciation: Kwik-ee

  Meaning: Spontaneous sexual activity

  Function: Instant gratification

  1: THE HUMP SEAT

  Risqué Level

  Maybe it’s the heat, the speed, the feeling of freedom and escape, or just the naughtiness, but cars can make lovers feel extra frisky! Turn your own car into a road-going sex machine.

  Pull over in a parking lot or the breakdown lane for a fast quickie while you’re on the road, and re-create your teenage years. You know you’ll enjoy the ride.

  QUICKIE HOT TIP

  Sitting positions are best suited for car sex, unless you have the option of spreading out in the back of your SUV or pickup. (See Quickie 41, Truckin’.)

  2: SIT AND SPIN

  Risqué Level

  The washing machine’s spin cycle is a great moment to take time out for a spin with your partner. Turn a mundane chore into a fun frolic—and turn an unsexy appliance into a giant vibrator. Quickies aren’t really designed to encourage female orgasm, but a little mechanical nudge can go a long way toward achieving it. Even though the washing machine can’t offer direct clitoral stimulation, ladies, it can help relax all kinds of muscles when you sit on it.

  QUICKIE HOT TIP

  Dial up the risk level if you dare. For level one, stick to your basement laundry room. For level two, test out an empty room in an apartment or condo building. Partner action in a Laundromat earns you a three.

  3: A SHAVE AND A BJ

  Risqué Level

  Like many quickies, this one is best performed as a sneak attack. Wait until his focus is on the delicate act of shaving before dropping to your knees to take care of business. Guys, part of the fun is how careful you both have to be so you can survive the shave without any nicks, cuts, or early climaxes.

  QUICKIE HOT TIP

  If you have extra time and want to get a little carried away, decorate yourself. Ladies, create a full-on shaving cream bikini to really send him over the edge. Before you know it, you both will be rinsing it off in a hot shower.

  4: FELLATIO PHONE CALL

  Risqué Level

  Sorting out service issues with your phone, cable, or electric company is never fun, but a blow job can do wonders to make an irritating conversation with a customer service representative much more bearable. Why not reach out and touch someone?

  “One of the little things I do for my wife is deal with the cable company, because they always seem to be messing something up. I was on a particularly long and irritating call when she came into the room with a seductive grin and got down on her knees in front of me. Good thing I was on hold most of the time— I wouldn’t have been able to stop moaning even if there was a person on the other end of the line!” –Peter, 38

  5: EARLY BIRD SPECIAL

  Risqué Level

  Turn your usual after-work routine into a sexy surprise. On a day when you know he’ll be working late, use the time to your advantage. Rush home, undress, and put on a sexy pair of panties and heels. Then strike a pose when you know he’ll be walking through the door.

  And guys, don’t let working girls miss out on the fun. Strip off that shirt and slide on only a tie so her day at the office has a happy ending.

  QUICKIE HOT TIP

  If you can’t hear your partner’s car in the driveway or footsteps in the hall, and don’t want to stand in the foyer on watch, pull a chair into view of the front door, sit, and begin to play with yourself. You’ll be comfy, raring to go, and ready to offer dessert before you’ve even had dinner!

  6: BOX LUNCH

  Risqué Level

  Break up your humdrum workday by meeting your partner in an unexpected environment. A lunchtime quickie at a hotel where you have to inquire about the rate for a “short stay” will feel naughty enough to get your blood pumping and secretive enough that you’ll have something to laugh about later. An afternoon delight is just as delicious and satisfying as that lunch you packed in the morning and didn’t get a chance to eat.

  QUICKIE HOT TIP

  Write your lover a little note, and stick it in your partner’s brown-bag lunch with instructions on when and where to meet, as well as what he or she should (or should not!) be wearing.

  7: WAKE-UP CALL

  Risqué Level

  Just because he’s asleep doesn’t mean everything about him is. Ducking under the covers and wrapping your lips around his morning wood will have him wanting to rub more than just his sleepy eyes.

  “My husband is seriously not a morning pe
rson. In fact, he’s not even really a person until he’s had that first cup of coffee. But I’ve found that a blow job is a million times better than coffee. Let’s just say he considers it the breakfast of champions!” –Jessica, 31

  8: BACK ALLEY SHAG

  Risqué Level

  If you just can’t wait to get home after a night out dancing, popping into a back alley for a quickie will make you feel both naughty and relieved. You can also turn this into cops-and-robbers role playing. Just practice saying, “Put your hands up against the wall and spread ’em,” in your best sexy, threatening tone of voice.

  QUICKIE HOT TIP

  A tiny flashlight on your keychain will help you quickly survey the area for things like unappetizing garbage and broken glass. You wouldn’t want your quickie to quickly become something you have to explain in an emergency room. This one works better if you’re standing or leaning on something safe!

  9: POWDER ROOM PETTING

  Risqué Level

  Sex and bar bathrooms go together like martinis and olives. When you have a few drinks in you and a hottie at your side, the urge to shake and stir sometimes cannot be resisted. Ladies, you can prop yourself up on the sink, and then you can both use the mirror for an added dimension to your pleasure.

  QUICKIE ETIQUETTE

  If you want to ensure that you have ample time to execute your quickie without alerting (or annoying!) all the other bar patrons, make sure the bar has more than one bathroom before you enact your horny takeover.

  10: MANUAL TRANSMISSION

  Risqué Level

  Let your hands wander as you wander the road. You can spice up a long drive for her, using your fingers like windshield wipers to rub her clitoris back and forth. Turn him on by stroking his “stick shift,” accelerating gradually, so he’ll have time to build up his speed. These driving exercises will help to keep you limber and get each other warmed up for when you reach your final destination. Driving while distracted can be dangerous, of course—pull over if the moment gets to be too much.

  “I love when my husband and I grope each other like horny teenagers in the car! There is something so hot about driving along, when no one else knows what you’re doing, or why you’re steaming up the windows. Plus, the fact that we can only go to second base makes our arrival home all the more exciting!” –Stacey, 34

  11: THE (UN)DRESSING ROOM

  Risqué Level

  Women always like a second opinion when trying on potential wardrobe additions, so most ladies’ dressing-room attendants won’t bat an eye if you both disappear behind the curtains or locked doors. Pick a changing room at a distance from other shoppers, and put on your own private fashion show. If you hit the stores at odd hours, you’ll be more likely to find deserted rooms just waiting for your erotic fashion show. Guys, don’t be surprised if you soon overcome your dislike of shopping!

  QUICKIE HOT TIP

  Remember to be discreet, especially if the changing room walls don’t reach the floor! If you can, pick a firm wall. Put your back against it while wrapping your legs around your partner’s waist. It’s tough to maintain this position for a long time, but it’s certainly good for a quick thrill. And that’s all you’re after, right?

  12: FERVENT FOOTSIE

  Risqué Level

  The beauty of a quickie isn’t always in going “all the way.” Sometimes it’s just as fun to stay clothed and engage in a little stealthy naughtiness that will leave you both wanting more. Whether you’re at the office, discussing stocks and bonds with your secret work paramour, or at a meeting with your partner about your real estate holdings, kick off a shoe and gently work your toes on his package underneath the table. The rest of the attendees will be none the wiser.

  QUICKIE HOT TIP

  Bare feet are your best bet for a little under-the-table foot action. Beware: A pantyhose-clad foot can make suspicious noises when there’s a little friction involved.

  13: SEDUCTIVE STAIRWELL

  Risqué Level

  In buildings with elevators, stairwells are good for two things: escape during a fire and quickie sex. Even though you’ll be able to hear people in the hallways (and you should keep in mind that they’ll be able to hear you, too), stairwell sex feels kind of naughty and public, but the likelihood that someone else will be using the stairwell is fairly low. (Check out the foot traffic for a couple days prior to gauge the likelihood of an interruption). Guys, if you lie down on the incline of the stairs, she’ll be able to ride astride you and achieve a different angle of penetration than on a flat bed.

  QUICKIE HOT TIP

  Ladies, an alternative position is for you to stand on a step slightly above his. This is great for couples who want to do it standing up but have trouble because of their differing heights. (Stairways at home have possibilities, too. See Quickie 32: Stairway to Heaven.)

  14: AMOROUS OFFICE

  Risqué Level

  There’s nothing like mixing business with pleasure. Office doors were made with locks for a reason—sex. Nothing can make you feel less like an office drone and more like a living, breathing animal than a midday romp. Paperwork be damned!

  “My boyfriend and I work in the same building, and although I have a cubicle, he has an office with a locking door. I always go on an afternoon coffee run, but sometimes instead of getting coffee for a pick-me-up, I surprise him at work, and we do it on his desk. A quickie beats caffeine any day!” –Catherine, 31

  15: GETTING WET

  Risqué Level

  Who says your man has to shower alone—or even wants to? Jumping into the shower to give him a quick blow job can be spontaneous and will have him singing happy tunes (all day long!). Guys, just remember that if she fellates you without reciprocation, it’s time to repay her once you’re out of the shower!

  QUICKIE HOT TIP

  Share kisses as the shower water splatters on your faces and dribbles between your locked lips. Hold your superheated, naked bodies close as you let your hands slip and slide over your wet skin, the warm water beating down on you and massaging your necks and scalps.

  16: HALFTIME SHOW

  Risqué Level

  If it’s impossible to tear your partner away from game-day Sunday or the Monday night kickoff to eat a hot meal together, take TV dinner (and dessert!) to the couch. However, make sure to get it your way, with all attention on you. Quickie sex in front of the TV will probably make him feel like he just won the Heisman Trophy, so dish it up hot and then walk away like nothing happened.

  QUICKIE HOT TIP

  Don’t make a habit of having sex in front of the TV, but as an occasional quickie, it could be a fun score!

  17: BATHTUB BOOTY

  Risqué Level

  While she’s taking a leisurely soak in the tub, you can surprise her by slipping into the bathroom and getting another kind of leisure. For easier access, you can lift her up to the edge of the tub. While she is perched up there, you’ll be doing all the work while enjoying a personal, full-frontal view. This angle will not only be incredibly visually stimulating, but will also give you easy access in fully exploring and stimulating her.

  QUICKIE HOT TIP

  An inflatable bath pillow—blown up partway—works as a kneepad for the person giving oral sex. Just keep things brief, lest you pop your prop mid-delivery.

  18: MORNING DETOUR

  Risqué Level